Of Thoughts

In between all the moving, settling down, easing into work, finding a routine and working out the way of life I want to live ... thoughts have been popping up here and there. So much that I have lost some of them. Here are some ...

Relationships and family. I wonder why is it so easy for us to take for granted the people that are the most important in our life. The other day, I was driving to meet up with my parents when they came up to send my sister to school. At first, we arranged to meet at some place because of my cousin ... but on my way there, I was told to go to another place. I felt irritated. After some reflection, I wonder why and how I can be angry at my own father. Instantly, I felt more guilt than anger. Yet ... it is so easy to succumb to the anger. I wonder.

Talked to a friend about relationships. It was refreshing to hear her viewpoint. For her, loving someone means self-destruction. My initial reaction was .. "What?!".
She said, when you love someone, you are willing to go the extra miles for that someone ... getting involved in troublesome stuffs for them and all that. Doing all that things, do you expect to be repaid? In the sense that, you expect he/she to do the same for you or perhaps ... to give "something" back in return for your deeds.Most people would probably say yes. Which means ... that is a selfish kind of love. What it means by self-destruction is that ... you do all that things ... and don't expect any repayment. That ... is the kind of selfless love ... or according to her definition ... self-destructing love. When you love someone, you are suppose to do all the things for her/him with no strings attached. Nobody owes anybody something.
Thinking about it for a while ... it seems to make sense to me. No strings attached.

We expect the other party to love us back if we love him/her ... and to "repay" our deeds of love. But ... loving someone unconditionally ... doesn't that means giving them everything without ever asking for any kind of repayment?

I wonder whether that kind of selfless love truly exist. Perhaps it does in the love our parents give. But.Humans are selfish. I stand by this statement. Perhaps this would be an ideal.Not a reality. I wonder.

Being in the working world is certainly a challenge. A challenge to not fall into the trap of having work become life. Work 9 to 5. Crash on sofa. Too tired to do anything else. Sleep. Wake up. Repeat. I have always idealized a life where I can continue pursuing my passion and interest despite having to work. Stepping into the working world ... I now understand why motivation books repeat the mantra "Money is your servant. Not your master" It is certainly no easy thing when you're earning your living with your own two hands ... you have a responsibility to submit a proper product ... and it is definitely worse when you are on the edge. I am grateful for the blessings my parents have bestowed on me.

I have also been digging deep to find out about my own belief in a lot of other things. Some I think are too sensitive for me ... to put it down in words. Perhaps at a later date ...