Of I was thinking

I was thinking of writing sort of a short poem.
Titled: "If I die later today".
Halfway through it, I deleted everything, and wrote this post instead.

I found out that I have so much things to say to a lot of people, that the poem wouldn't turn out to be exactly a SHORT poem.
More of a few pages essay.
Heh. I am a long-winded old man. I know.
Then again, if I do die later today, I would choose to "do" a lot more of the things I want to, rather than just say it out.

Why the sudden morbid thought?

Don't worry. I am not suicidal. Neither am I in any kind of depression.
Stressed. Yes. Very in fact. Ok la. Medium.
But not suicidal. Nor depressed.
It's just that I can't help but think that life is flitting. Time is. Everything is, come to think of it.
Flitting that is.
And I can't help but think of how much time I've wasted throughout my whole 23 years of life.

Then again, I would say I had my golden moments.
Moments that would forever stick in my head.
Bound there in the brain. Replayed from time to time.
And again, why the sudden nostalgia and emotional stuffs?

Like I said. I just can't help but think that life is flitting.
Get me?
Life is flitting. I wouldn't exactly say I regret the time wasted, as I sincerely believe that things and situations are there for a reason. And I firmly believe so.
Just take the two shitty years I had in Singapore. They made me a more independent, if not a somewhat cynical-I-hate-society-and-I-don't-really-trust-in-people, person.
Fine. I admit it. Those two years helped me to be more disciplined and to be more oriented in my life.
Still, back then, it was the most depressing time of my life.
I guess it's true?
When you really hit rock bottom, and can't go further down anymore, that's when you start climbing up.

Anyhow. I digress.
Pardon my short-span of attention.
So yes. Time is flitting.
I read this story once. Where it talks about tombstone. Know the tombstone?
See, on the tombstone, usually it is carved with the name of the deceased and the day they were born and the day they died.
And guess what's in between the two dates?
Just one short dash. -. Like that. Yup. Just like that. -

My point?
If you are super-kao-rich, you probably can get a huge - HUGE - tombstone that is carved with the story of your life in between the two dates.
But if not. You'll probably stick with that little dash.
And see. That's ... depressing. No?
All your life story. Represented by one tiny little freaking dash.
You think people is going to look at it and go "Ooooooooooooooh.Look at that dash.Beautiful."?
Probably not, I assume.

My point?
There is no point actually.
I just wanted to say out loud my thoughts.
That if I do die later today. I am going to be proud of that tiny little dash.
Of course I am not satisfied with what I have now if I die later today. I am human after all.

But.

I would think that I have lived a good dash. Not the best exactly.
But a good one after all.

And I think I won't complain.