Of a life divided, proportionated and deducted.

For those who have been wondering why I have been away, I am here to give some explanations.
I am sorry especially to Da Jie for making you wait for this.
I should have messaged you on MSN, but I was really away for some time.
And to all those who cared, I am sorry I left in a sudden.

Here is my two major reason on why I left. Suddenly. With a short notice.

First major reason would be because I was having exam. My external paper for the actuarial study. Sadly though, I failed it, yet again. Hmmm...you know, some people think that when you have given everything you could, and yet failed, you should feel like the whole world owes you, cause you gave everything you could. So technically, you should sulk and make the world sulk with you or at least make them feel that you are really pitiful, and they should give in to you.
No?

Frankly speaking, apart from some feelings of irritation and of course some disappointment, that I have to re-take the exam, I felt surprisingly ... hmmm... joyful?
I would say, I truly gave a lot for this exam. I wouldn't say I went all out though.
Heh. That would be an outright lie.
Still, failing the exam make me realize I am more human than usual. Susceptible to failure, hurt, and emotions.
And yes, I am still feeling irritated that I have to re-take the exam. Oh well, comes what may, I would face it somehow.
So yes, my exam kept me away from posting. I was really studying for it ok?
Didn't even open my MSN.

Second major reason was my break-up with Pei Er. Some of you may have know this. Some may not. But for those who did not, now you do. I just felt that I need some time away from people, from things, from...well...basically from everything. Just to sort out my thoughts.

Suddenly having back a part of my life that has already been given up thrown me into a little confusion. I did not know what to do with it.

Truth to be told, I don't really feel like "discussing" my break-up over here. I personally feel that it kinds of desensitize everything.
And yes, if you are still curious and concerned, you can ask questions. Just not here, ok?
=)

Anyway, I would say I have come to terms with it, and am now slowly working out my way on how to handle the other part of life that has been given back to me.

So yes. That were my reasons.

Being away from so much, made me think a lot of my own life. I have only realized how much I have taken things for granted all along when I stopped and wondered what I want to do with this life. I only knew who really mattered in my life when I stopped and take notice.
Cliche.
But, it's the whole truth.

Somehow, I don't think I have been living this life honestly.
I have made up a lot of lies for myself, and making myself believing that it is the truth.
I have also made up a lot of lies about myself, and making others believe that it is the truth.

I realized how disappointed and sad I am with myself, when I finally took time to face myself.
I realized that I don't even know who I really am, with all those "personalities" I have.

Which side of "Chung Chin" have you gotten known to?

Whichever side it is, I hope that the Chung Chin you know now, is the one that I really want to be. Honest. And sincere.

Thank you JiaJia. You may not realize it. But, I think you're a "Goddess" to me more than I am a "God" to you. I sincerely hope I can build a good relationship with your husband. That way, our relationship won't get awkward, and I get to have another good friend.

To all those who asked, and cared, I love you all.
Always do.