Well, things have sort of quiet down for now. Two tests gone. Two assignments handed up. And the weekend is here. Some space for me to think. Some space for me to write. Some space for me just..well..live..
Live??..well..it doesn't mean anything..it's just that my vocab is pte ltd..
..relax..sounds..so not suitable..chill..is...too "chill"..and well..I really don't know..live seems to be the proper word now..perhaps I'll edit it later if I think of any..
Anyway right now, I am thinking about "friends, humans and relationships".
It always struck me as how awesome these things can be..and how perplexing they can turn out.Simple as they may seem, but it really is an art for a master to really understand these things..maybe I'm exaggerating.Perhaps things are easy. It is just me.Who makes things hard to understand. Is that so?
I don't know.
To me, I find humans fascinating.They can be so.."volatile".Matter a moment.Liquid the next. What am I talking about?
I am talking about how fast people can change.
One thing I would die to have for is to have ONE..ONE single friend who would sincerely, seriously, without a doubt, take a shot for me. Nah, don't get me wrong..I don't want my friends to die for me. It's just the idea of having someone who would risk their life to protect you. Can you imagine how..how...
..it's indescribeable.
It is really indescribeable. Hmm..is indescribeable a real word? I don't know..lazy to check the dictionary right now..so let's just assume that it is a dictionary word..
Anyway, I digress..Maybe I do have some friends who would risk it. I don't know. Nobody tell me they would. Hahahaha
But, seriously, I really don't know.
Why this suddenly?Because, I've been thinking about how how how how how how how how hard it is to find some sincere friends. Friends that you know you will find behind your back when you are up against the whole world. One single ally when the whole world is fighting you.
Can you imagine how helpful that can be?
Cause I find myself drowning in this sea of insincerity.
Why do we have to go our own way?
*sigh*
Sometimes, I idealized about a world where we will always be together somewhere, somehow. Who? Of course is you la. Babes and dudes from Kulai.
Perhaps we've spent so much time together that there is really no point being insincere with each other anymore. Or perhaps we are so insincere with each other always that we are already used to it..just my thoughts anyway..
Sometimes, I really admire the kind of bond that some of you share with each other. Like SK and the twins. Like Jaxx and Tse Hui. Like Jaxx and CY. Like Da Jie and Saubaru. Like Da Jie and Ann Jie. Like Saubaru and SK. Like..well..like everyone else.
Sometimes, I feel that if everyone were to be like you guys, this world might not be that messed up. Who knows?
I don't know whether I have that kind of bond with some of you guys. Cause sometimes it feels like I have it. And yet at times, I don't feel like it. It is really hard for me to tell. Again, I seriously don't know.
Who am I by the way?
I have been thinking about myself quite a bit these few weeks...yeah..the narcissistic side of me..as usual..
I have been thinking..
..that since I arrive here..I've become more quiet..
I've become more confined..
My thoughts no longer run like they do..they are panting heavily..running haphazardly..
I've become more introverted..
I don't feel like myself..
I don't know how to act..
I don't know how to speak..
I don't know what to say..
I don't know what should I do next..
I doubt the world.
I doubt the world I am in.
I don't know what's wrong with people.
I 've nothing much to say to anybody..
I feel like laughing out loud but yet can't find a reason to..the only time I'm laughing is when I'm reading comics or watching movie..
I feel..stiffled..
..
Do I sound like I'm going crazy?
If I do, well..I am not. =)
I am just writing down things that have been running through my head.(HEY!Aren't you tired?! TAKE A REST YOU THINGS!)
Ok..I shall find something to do now..
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